Constructive Criticism

Huzzah!

I got the marked and annotated version of my thesis back the other day; the two tiny errors that worried the life out of me have been noted, of course, as have rather a lot more that somehow slipped through the Patented Davis Text Sieve. An insignificant typo and a few footnote problems were found, as well as one overwhelming grammatical Issue which not only deserves its own capital letter, but also a parliamentary representative and a postcode - the Vicious and Recurring Split Infinitive.

Would you believe that, having been brought up in a grammatically-minded household, and having spent virtually my whole life in formal education of one sort and another, I still had absolutely no idea what a split infinitive was? Except to know vaguely that they were Bad Things and To Be Avoided At All Cost. Hitherto I had laboured under the delusion that this manifestation of linguistic ineptitude involved some sort of double-bunger verb dislodged by miles and miles of sub-clauses, like you find in German. I didn't know that the infinitive needn't be split by much; a one word gap is quite sufficient. I didn't know that they were so easy to recognise. And I certainly has no idea that I used so many of them. However, 99-odd pages of pencil scrawls tend to illuminate things to even the most stubborn of repeat offenders.

For the other ignorami floating morosely about in the ether, a split infinitive occurs when something disrupts the normal verb form. I don't know if this is the normal practice, but my issue seems to be with adverbs. Example: the verb "to grasp", when applied "fully", must end up "to grasp fully" rather than "to fully grasp." Simple, yes? So simple that I am reminded of the time when I was unable to distinguish between pronouns and Proper Nouns. Although, in my defence, I will add that we were never really taught grammar at school, and that they do both start with "pro".

Aside from this new addition to my constructive arsenal, I hope to soon gain - pardon me - soon to gain an extra benefit from my new-found knowlege. In short,
Do you tend to inadvertently split your infinitives?
will shortly be joining
Are you a complusive proof-reader?
and
More facts than a Cliometrician
as part of the projected advertising campaign for - alas! - the as yet unfounded Sydney Feuilletonists' Society.

Learning Curves really do straighten you out.

Pictured is the saving grace of puntuation - but who can save us from the appalling grammatical monstrosities visited upon us the the form of stupid little phrases like "my bad"?!!! Bad is an adjective, not a noun, people!